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Everyone of us has heard about a term Dowry so common that we dont give it a thought. Our marriage system works under this tag. In Kashmiri’s arranged marriage system, finding your own partner is frowned upon. Parents and extended family take it upon themselves to find you potential matches when you reach the marriageable age of early to mid-20s for women and mid- to late 20s for men. Arranging a marriage is conducted much like a company merger. It is all business with very little room for feelings like love. Exceptions are always there. So much that love marriage is often used to refer to a marriage that is not arranged by the family. Nearly 90 percent of the marriages across Kashmir are arranged marriages. There is nothing wrong with arranged marriage unless and untill it isn’t done on the pretext of taking huge dowry from the bride or receiving huge dowry from grooms side.
There is a story which is 100% true to my knowledge. Two families arranged a marriage just on one basic thing, both families are very rich. Being rich isn’t crime. There is nothing wrong with it too. But what’s wrong with it is how much of Dowry from both sides was involved. Gold over 25 lakhs was given to bride. Sweets worth over 2 lakh was also given. Over 50k was charged by a 3rd gender middleman for arranging a marriage.Mehar was also in Lakhs. Imagine the total cost of marriage. Im not an expert on Islamic ruling of Zakat on that much gold but it will almost be over a lakh for this kind of Gold. Out of 25 lakh , the family should have donated some lakhs for the marriage of all those poor girls which even dream of having a proper dress for their marriages.
This much of Dowry given to bride by grooms side does more damage than one can only imagine. These kind of things create class difference in our societies. Sopore incident is a recent example of how we as a society have failed. And instead of spending too much on marriages, rich families should come forward and help the downtrodden.This kind of money would have been enough to marry off over 20 poor girls.
Every social studies textbook I remember from my childhood contained this sentence: “Dowry is a social evil.” Instead of being regarded as a crime and a source of shame, dowry has become a matter of pride. It is not as discreet as one would expect with an act of illegal transfer of assets. It is flashy and in your face. It is discussed over tea, lunch at family gatherings. Son-in-laws are often introduced with the price tag they come with. Brides are also introduced the same way. Dowry is illegal in India but families expect it including mine. We have a duty to fulfill and it starts from ourselves in our homes. If we are rich, then don’t make it tough for others by showing off the expensive marriages you do. If we aren’t rich, don’t try to act like rich for the sake of rich people.
(About Writer : Hanief Bin Aziz
Works in Department of Food and Consumer Affairs Writer can be reached at
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