Opinion | Parental Pressure After Toppers Lists How Unrealistic Expectations Shape Children’s Futures

When Marks Become Identity Expectations Turn into Pressure and Many Bright Children Loe their Way Before they Find themselves.

In Kashmir JKBOSE results day carries heavy meaning. Marks decide how people judge hard work. High scores earn applause. Low scores invite silence. When a child scores high society labels that child as sincere and disciplined. Parents feel proud. Relatives feel curious. Expectations rise fast. Often too fast.

You see this every year. A child secures top grades. Neighbours congratulate. Relatives visit. Phones keep ringing. Everyone asks one question. What will you become now. Doctor, Engineer, Officer, Something big or Something quick. The child has barely processed the result. Yet the future gets fixed in public conversations.

This pressure starts early. During exam months homes change. Study schedules dominate daily life. Parents monitor every hour. Comparison becomes routine. Why did you score less than that child. Why are you taking breaks. Stress becomes normal. Many parents believe pressure produces results. They forget that pressure also produces fear.

JKBOSE exams test memory, speed and exam skills. They do not measure emotional strength. They do not measure creativity. They do not measure problem solving in real life. Yet marks become the sole proof of worth. A child who scores high gets labelled hardworking. A child who scores average gets ignored. This mindset shapes parenting choices.

After topper lists appear expectations multiply. Parents assume the child will maintain the same performance forever. They expect continuous excellence. They expect top colleges. They expect secure careers. The child now carries the burden of past success. Failure becomes unacceptable. Exploration becomes risky.

Relatives add another layer. Casual questions turn stressful. What are your preparations now. Which entrance exam are you targeting. Why did you choose this subject. These questions come at weddings, funerals and family visits. You cannot escape them. Each question reminds the child that society is watching.

Many high achievers disappear after school. They do not vanish physically. They vanish from public success narratives. They struggle silently. Some change fields. Some drop out. Some lose confidence. Some feel stuck. Society then labels them lazy or wasted potential. No one asks what went wrong.

One major reason is mismatch. High marks create one identity. The child may have different interests. The child may lack guidance. Parents often push safe careers. Medicine. Engineering. Government jobs. These paths demand long term motivation. Without internal interest burnout follows.

Another reason is emotional neglect. During exam years emotions take a back seat. Anxiety gets dismissed. Tears get ignored. Rest feels like weakness. Over time children stop sharing feelings. They perform. They comply. Later when challenges appear they lack coping skills.

There is also fear of failure. A child praised only for success fears mistakes. This fear blocks learning. College demands independence. Competitive exams demand resilience. Life demands adaptation. Fear freezes progress. Many bright students lose direction because they never learned how to fail safely.

Parents often act with good intentions. They want security for their children. They have seen struggle. They fear uncertainty. They believe pressure equals preparation. But intention does not reduce impact. Stress affects sleep. Stress affects focus. Stress affects self worth.

You need to ask a simple question. Are marks shaping your child’s future or trapping it. If success feels heavy it cannot last. Sustainable growth needs balance. It needs trust. It needs space.

Marks should open doors. They should not lock paths. Celebrate effort not rank. Praise curiosity not comparison. Ask children what they enjoy. Ask what they find difficult. Listen without correcting.

Relatives also need awareness. Replace pressure questions with supportive ones. Ask how they feel. Ask what they are learning. Avoid predictions. Avoid timelines. Children grow at different speeds.

Schools can help. Career guidance must start early. Counselling should normalize stress. Teachers should communicate that marks are milestones not destinations. Success stories should include diverse paths.

When the race is measured only by marks the aim of holistic development gets ignored. You see this reality around you every day. A student with an electrical engineering degree calls a non degree holder to repair the wiring at home. A student with a mathematics background fails to measure a room for furnishing and depends on an experienced but illiterate worker. A highly qualified person goes to someone else to write a simple application. These are not rare incidents. They reflect a deep gap between education and life skills.

Marks create an illusion of competence. They reward memory, speed and exam performance. They do not guarantee practical ability. They do not ensure problem solving. They do not build confidence for real life tasks. When parents measure their child’s talent only through marks they unknowingly limit growth.

You must ask an honest question. If marks are everything why do skilled people without degrees remain essential in daily life. The answer is simple. Skills come from practice, exposure and experience. Marks come from textbooks and exam halls. Both have value. Only one dominates our mindset.

This marks driven culture creates fragile learners. Children learn to chase approval. They fear mistakes. They avoid hands on work. They hesitate to explore. Over time they lose adaptability. When real world challenges appear they feel helpless.

Holistic development means balance. It means cognitive growth along with emotional strength. It means academic learning along with practical skills. It means ethics, empathy, communication and creativity. It means preparing a child for life not just for exams.

NEP 2020 clearly talks about this shift. It focuses on 21st century skills. Critical thinking. Collaboration. Problem solving. Creativity. Communication. Life skills. These are not optional. These are essential. Yet for many families this vision remains a dream.

Why does this gap continue. Because marks still decide respect. Marks still decide comparisons. Marks still decide pride. Skills remain invisible. Character remains unnoticed. Humanity remains secondary.

You can change this mindset at home. Praise effort not rank. Encourage children to fix things. Let them plan, measure, write, speak and decide. Allow them to fail and learn. Teach them dignity of labour. Respect skilled work.

Schools also have a role. Learning must connect with life. Projects must involve real problems. Assessments must value application not repetition. Teachers must guide not label.

The goal is clear. You must produce skilled students with real talent. You must raise good humans with empathy and responsibility. Marks should support growth not define worth. Only then holistic development becomes possible. Only then NEP 2020 moves from paper to practice.

Kashmir has talent. It also has silent stress. You see it in classrooms. You see it in homes. You see it after result days. Changing this mindset takes courage. It takes patience.

If your child scores high pause before planning the next decade. Let the child breathe. Let the child explore. Let the child fail and learn. A secure future grows from inner strength not constant pressure.

When toppers vanish the issue is not ability. The issue is expectation overload. Reduce the weight. You may see your child rise again. This time with confidence. This time with purpose.

(Writer is An Author, Writer and Columnist hails from Boniyar Baramulla and He Can Be Contacted on mukhtar.qur@gmail.com)