Chronicles of Motherhood, letter to my unborn child.

BABY, a very beautiful and soothing word, add ‘my’ as prefix, it becomes magic “My Baby.’

So, my baby, as I try to prepare a comfortable surrounding to welcome you, I feel as if it was only yesterday, when by the end of the Holy month of Ramadhan, my body gave me signal to check for a miracle, and it took few moments for us to believe, that I am about to start an awesome journey of motherhood, Alhamdulillah! In the coming days my body felt tired, sleepy, and on 4th day I developed sudden rashes all over me. Rashes did not bother me but itching did and one fine morning I found myself swollen like a pumpkin with red lesions all over my body. My energy was zero, my blood pressure was not recordable, I looked alien. During my physical crisis, all I was thinking about you, you were only few cells old, I wanted to hold you in the safest corner of my soul.
My prayers, attention, care all was channelled towards you only. Deep in my heart I knew you are a prodigy of wise and strong. You will hold on, no matter what.my baby you proved me right, I finally heard your heart beat, synchronising with my tears of joy. I felt myself happiest person on earth.it was the moment, I realised that we both will make it. How much I wanted to hide you in the most secret recesses of my being. Now you were growing inside me and I started learning about your development, waiting for your kicks, tender movements. I never was more beautiful than how I looked with the bump you gifted me. We both were magical, one body, one soul. I prayed for your wisdom, sharp sight, quick ear, and a soft heart filled with EMAAN.
Though my back hurts now and I need to use rest room zillion times and cannot keep my hands away from food, even though I throw up several times, the energy within me feels like troughs and crusts.
Many a times effects of hormones take toll on my already restless self, I feel like my tired body against the world, where as my own head behaves alien.
Demand for love and affection is more than usual which render me banging against a stone wall.
Amid this tempest, when I feel your tender kicks, hiccups, I know these are signals from you, “Mamma hold on, I will be there soon.” It gives me strength to stop myself from being exploited to further chaos of surroundings. Automatically my drained head try to thank your creator and his creation in your form.
My bud, I want you to grow strong full of wisdom like your grandmother, who was the epitome of strength and wisdom and is watching you from heavens above. Do not make your emotions vulnerable, balance your inside and outside. Be an example of a good human being like your father. Let you enjoy your childhood like you deserve only to unfold the chapters of maturity. I pray to witness your metamorphosis from a tiny being who will poop and pee in my lap to a mature adult, who will offer a strong shoulder to my white head till my last breath. Be a source of solace in my grave.
While we prepare to welcome your baby steps, I pray may Allah protect you from everything evil.
The air I breath here is not good quality, so I try to have plants in our room and I move as much as I can through heavy breaths though, and care little about endless girth of my belly, pigmentation here and there, falling of crown, that sometimes gives delusion of being long and lustrous, but it is ok. I know you will like me with wrinkled skin or sunken eyes.
Amid confusion and chaos, your existence helps me to return to calmness.
May you learn to prioritize things and not get carried away with useless chores. Baby never forget your roots, be a source of shade to those who are near you. Sometimes feeling weak, is alright but never let it effect you for a long time. My mother, told me” …This life is a battle, you need to keep fighting, never ever lose hope in Allah……” I am passing same words of wisdom to you. Let you grow into a skilful adult who knows and understands well, what and when to conceal, we should never make display of everything, as a saying goes ‘not everyone is your friend.”be bright enough not to get lured with glitter around, always keep your eyes of wisdom open.
As I write this with mild pain in my belly and discomfort here and there, I want to tell you that weather has changed. We have endured together; harsh summer and soothing autumn and we are again ready to welcome winter and hope to hold your warm body in our cold hands. Likewise, this life is a cocktail of smiles and tears, but still, it is beautiful because of the moments like these.so my little precious bud, be ready to step into this world with firm determination to work hard and leave rest to Allah.
Your Mother.

About Writer: Dr Tahseen Gani is a pathologist Doctor MBBS, MD and works in delhi .
drtahseengani@gmail.com.