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I don’t know how to begin or from which point to start because no matter where I begin, this is wrong and sinful. I am talking about extra-marital affairs a phenomenon that has unfortunately become very common in today’s society. Some people have even started perceiving it as cool or normal. This sin involves both men and women, which means
it includes mothers as well as fathers. In Kashmiri society no one seems to be talking about this issue, and I don’t understand why. At one point, we had hopes from our religious scholars, but sadly, some of them are themselves entangled in such acts and instead of addressing moral degradation, some are busy competing over sectarian supremacy arguing whether Shia or Sunni is superior. While researching for this article, I came across a term “Sugar Daddy.” You can look up its definition on Google, but in practice you can witness it in our own Kashmir. It is disgraceful that a man old enough to be a father approaches a girl young enough to be his daughter, and that a girl seeks out a man old enough to be her father—purely in exchange for sex and money. We cannot afford to ignore the issue of extra-marital affairs, as it sends a dangerous message to future generations. The negative consequences of such actions are limitless; they destroy families and ruin lives. The worst affected are the children of those involved in such affairs. Imagine the agony of a wife who gives up everything to be with a man who is a stranger. She builds a life with him, shares every moment, and even surrenders herself completely mind, body, and soul. She is even willing to share a same room, same bed, same mattress and same quilt. Yet, the same husband, for whom she sacrifices so much, betrays her with an extramarital affair. The depth of her anguish is beyond imagination. After all that she has given, all she asks for in return is loyalty and respect just two simple things. And yet, he (husband) fails to give
her even that. The pain she endures is indescribable. I firmly believe that extra-marital affairs are never formed with good intentions; they are solely based on lust and financial greed. Now what about the children? Their suffering is beyond words. Let me share a real-life incident: A young boy, around 10 years old, used to go to the mosque for Quranic studies. One day, some children mocked him with “Your father is a BADMASH MOL etc.” From that moment onwards, the 10-year-old child never went to that mosque. A man who lavishly spends on another woman to make her life comfortable often neglects his own wife and children, leaving them struggling emotionally and financially. The same parents who fight with a son-in-law for their daughter’s dignity when she faces misfortune fail to acknowledge that they themselves have committed the same sins that may have brought such consequences upon their own child. Children who grow up in such households are burdened with lifelong stress, constantly facing taunts and humiliation from society. I recall something my brother once said: “Whenever a fight breaks out involving such people or their children, the opponents don’t even need to hurl abuses taunts alone are enough to shatter them.”
There is so much more I could write on this subject, but at times, I hesitate because this concerns the sacred bond of parenthood, a relationship that Allah and the Holy Quran have granted immense respect and importance. Perhaps, even Allah did not foresee that a mother or a father could stoop so low as to disgrace and betray the essence of parenthood, dishonor such a pure and sacred bond, and make it a relationship void of trust and dignity. I have even seen families tolerating such oppression for decades, quietly suffering in silence.
Extra-marital affairs are not just private sins but social wounds that break families, scar children, and weaken communities. What may appear as a moment of pleasure or escape actually leaves behind years of pain and broken trust. Loyalty, honesty, and respect are the foundations of marriage, and when they are betrayed, the damage spreads far beyond two individuals. As a society, we need to openly address this issue instead of ignoring it. Only by returning to moral values and strengthening the bond of family can we protect future generations from such silent yet destructive tragedies.
About Author: DANISH AISHA IS THE CONVENOR OF THE CENTRE FOR PUBLIC INTEREST (CPI), A KASHMIR-BASED INDEPENDENT, NON-PARTISAN THINK TANK WORKING ON GOVERNANCE, POLICY REFORMS, AND COMMUNITY EMPOWERMENT THROUGH RESEARCH AND ADVOCACY. HE CAN BE REACHED AT CENTREFORPUBLICINTEREST@GMAIL.COM
