Opinion | Laain Dhaain in Kashmiri Marriages

Laain Dhaain was never about giving to be repaid but about sharing to lighten a burden. When we return to that spirit of simplicity and compassion, marriages in Kashmir will once again unite hearts instead of dividing them by pride

Kashmiri Society has, for long, been described by its collective spirit, simplicity, and deeply engrained traditions. Among the many customs that shaped the community life of Kashmir, Laain Dhaain once stood as a pillar for social cooperation and mutual support. It reflected the economic realities and moral strength of a society that valued togetherness over showmanship. Unfortunately what began as a beautiful symbol of unity has gradually turned into a display of competition and financial burden.

The economy of Kashmir in the past was predominantly agrarian. Local people were dependent on agriculture, livestock, and handicrafts to earn their living. Cash flow was meager and most families lived simple and modest lives. During those times when a marriage was about to occur in anyone’s home the whole community came forward through the Laain Dhaain system. Neighbors and relatives voluntarily came forward to help the family with items in need: rice, flour, ghee, meat, dry fruits, firewood and even money. This collective help means no family ever felt that it was burdened with expenditure relating to marriage.

A wedding in the village was a festival for all. Everybody shared work and joy in it. While men helped in arranging various things women were involved in cooking and hospitality. Nobody competed with others in decoration, gold or the length of their menu. People held the value of togetherness, prayer and blessings together. For them marriage was a holy relationship, not a venue for economic exhibition.

Today, the situation stands out in contrast. The modern marriages of Kashmiris have gradually turned into exhibitions of wealth and social status. The very tradition that once reduced the financial burden has now created a culture of debt and competition. The concept of Haav Bhaav and Dikhava has taken in. More often, people go beyond their means to appear prosperous before others.

A simple marriage now requires lavish halls, long guest lists expensive photography and extravagant meals. Wazwaan which had seven dishes that came from Iran grew to thirty or more items. Chefs were hired at high costs and the preparation itself turned into a matter of prestige. Every family is socially compelled to outdo the other lest it be judged.

Many families take loans from banks or borrow money from their relatives to manage the wedding expenses. Others go to the extent of selling their land, livestock, or ornaments. What was once communal by way of mutual support has today turned into competition which usually ends in financial distress. The irony lies in the very structure of Laain Dhaain today people give money to others during their marriages for its expected return double in number when their turn comes. This transactional approach defeats the purpose of the original custom based as it was on voluntary help and compassion and not repayment and profit.

The social implications of this trend are critical. Increasing marriage costs have become one of the causes of late marriages and unmarried girls. Families that cannot afford such unrealistic expectations avoid or postpone marriages. When the pressure to arrange a grand function gains priority it overshadows the very reason for the marriage tie. This does not affect just individuals but weakens the moral and social base of society.

It is high time the religious leaders, social workers and educators come forward and take collective responsibility in this growing concern. Islam has explicitly called for simplicity in marriage. The Holy Prophet Muhammad (Sallallaahu Alaihi Wa Sallam) said that among the signs of a good marriage is the ease with which it is conducted. Contrarily the present practice in Kashmir goes completely against this very dictum. Religious sermons and community meetings should highlight the joys of simple marriages reminding the masses that dignity in moderation not extravagance lies.

Teachers also have a very significant role to play. They can create awareness among students regarding the negative impact of such wasteful customs and guide them toward rational social behavior. Students of today are the families of tomorrow. If they grow up understanding the economic and moral value of simplicity marriage in the future can once more be a celebration of faith and community and not one of wealth and vanity.

Civil society groups and local administrations can also contribute by creating awareness campaigns. Public discussions, seminars, and local resolutions might encourage people to go for modest marriage functions. The religious committees and village heads can set community guidelines for restrictions on unnecessary expenditure. Some regions have already introduced social compacts that restrict the number of dishes served in Wazwaan or the scale of decoration. These small measures can bring large changes if implemented sincerely.

The responsibility also lies with the families themselves. Parents should not consider marriage as some sort of social competition. They must remember that a marriage is successful based on mutual understanding and piety, not on the number of guests nor on the price of the gifts exchanged. The real honour lies in making marriages easier for the next generation, not in making them heavier with expectations.

Revisiting the very concept of Laain Dhaain may lead society back toward its very moral roots. It was never supposed to be a monetary transaction. It was to share joy and decrease burden thus acting as a bonding force. If revived in its original spirit, it could once again7 serve as a support system for families of all economic strata. Mutual help and social cooperation can replace the current trend of luxury and pride. Every society evolves but that does not mean that all change is progress. This transformation of Laain Dhaain from a symbol of collective compassion to a display of social rivalry is a reproachful reminder of how materialism can distort traditions. Yet the strength of Kashmir lies in its people’s ability to reform. By choosing simplicity and restoring the real essence of this custom Kashmiris can rebuild the social harmony that once defined them. The time has come for introspection. It is not about abandoning tradition but about correcting its course. When marriages once again become occasions of prayer, togetherness and modest joy the spirit of Laain Dhaain will truly return to Kashmiri life.

(Writer is An Author, Writer and Columnist hails from Boniyar Baramulla and He Can Be Contacted on mukhtar.qur@gmail.com)